A client complained to me recently that he needed to become more disciplined, as he was failing to hit his targets in several key areas of his business. Years ago when I was first starting out as a coach I might have taken his complaint seriously and worked with him on becoming “a more disciplined person”, even taking the time to explore his patterns of self-sabotage and encouraging him to ‘just try harder’ and ‘focus more’ on what he really wanted.

But it’s become more and more clear to me over the years that success is less a matter of becoming a different kind of person than of finding what already works well for us and doing more of it. In other words, what holds us back is not some flaw in our character, but rather a blind spot in our understanding. I call this “the Goldilocks principle” - the idea that there is always a way of doing anything that fits just right for you.

Do you think you’re too lazy to succeed? Consider the story of Marc Allen, the millionaire publisher behind such personal development classics as Creative Visualization and The Power of Now. I had to get special permission to interview him for my radio show at 11am one week as he normally won’t do anything remotely business related until after lunch, a habit he engendered long before he achieved his financial success.

Are you not tough enough to make it in the dog-eat-dog world of business? Then you might find it difficult to account for the multi-million dollar financial and socially conscious success of hippie-ice cream entrepreneurs Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, who balance the demands of their conscience with the demands of running a successful company by creating an imaginary entity they call “the monster” that makes their difficult business decisions for them. As Ben reputedly told Jerry when economic realities made it necessary to let employees go, “the monster is hungry - the monster must eat!”

I told my client the story of a man who designed new buildings for college campuses. In his original designs, the man used to draw in not only the new building but also the routes of access - all the sidewalks to and from the parking lots and other buildings. But to his dismay, when he would visit the campuses months later, he could see that students (and even some teachers) were often ignoring the sidewalks and making their own pathways to the new buildings, ruining the grass and making for some awkward patterns of foot traffic.

Rather than complain about the disrespectful students and irresponsible teachers, the designer came up with an innovative idea. Instead of trying to create a pre-determined path for people to follow, he began designing and placing the buildings without putting in any sidewalks at all. Then, after the building has been in use for a while, his team comes in and builds the sidewalks where the footpaths have naturally evolved.

The point is, you can either try to adapt yourself to fit in to what you think of as the “right way to succeed”, or you can employ the Goldilocks principle and find a way to succeed that fits “just right” for you.

And as George Bernard Shaw famously said:

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”

Copyright © 2009 Michael Neill. All Rights Reserved
http://www.geniuscatalyst.com/

Our thoughts and statements contain presuppositions.  A presupposition can be described as “what must be true in the sentence for it to make sense.” 

When I respond to a question “What do I want?”  I make the statement, “I want an ideal house.” It is presupposes that:  I exist.  A house exists.  Wanting is possible.  And here is the key: I presently lack what it is I want. 

How to shift – energetically and neurologically – using a positive affirmation and have the experience I want by getting what I want – now!

It is a powerful affirmation to say “I am…” 

And it is also important to get comfortable with it (less ego/gremlin fears about big change) by repeating it and feeling it and creating neurological links to it.

It happens when the neurology gets comfortable with the idea. 

So I’m affirming “I am in my ideal house.” 

And I appreciate all the ways it is ideal.  “What you appreciate, appreciates!”

I made this list and said them out loud, noticing my thoughts and feelings.  The face image is a clue to the experiences and energy and how it  serves me.

No longer in wanting, I am!

Try it.  You might really like what you find reflected back to you in your world.

In Joy!

Denise

Check out the Special Project and contribute you individual well-being to global benefit. 

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I know we can be, do, and have more positive influence - that is become better leaders - when we create an inner partnership of mind, heart, and soul.   We have a positive impact because of our access the divine energy of happiness, and our gift is to share that in our world.  

The soul knows your purpose and guides your personal development.  You develop nourishing the needs of the soul. The soul communicates with the mind through your heart. 

We shift out of a world of struggle and in to a universe of potential.   Our energy creates our world.  Daily, as one client put it, we are “creating the possibility of a better relationship.”

I like what Nathaniel Branden stated:

“Spiritual teachings sometimes counsel a need to let go of the ego.

In our view, though, ego and personality

are essential players in our theatre of life.

Personality is the vehicle for Spirit to evolve through form.

Soul sparks the potential that exists within the personality. 

We don’t want the ego to disappear -

we want it to open to divine guidance

so the two may work together in alignment. 

And so the path of personality aims to build a healthy, skilful ego.

Ironically, only a strong, mature ego can take responsibility

for carrying the consciousness of soul. 

“How do we nurture the soul?

By revering our own life.

By treating it as supremely important.

By reaching for the best within ourselves.

By learning to love it all, not only the joys and the victories,

but also the pain and the struggles.” 

Click on this link for practical tips and a promotional price on the emWave personal stress reliever.

in joy!
Denise
Your Inner Smile Coach
Inspiring and challenging you to lead from your own well-being!

Abundance is not an it.
It is not to be found in
a shopping basket.

Abundance is not an achievement.
You will not find it at the end
of your never-ending
to-do list.

Abundance is not a place to get to.
Your zip code will not make you
happy.

Abundance is not a competition.
You cannot have more than your
neighbor and feel truly
abundant.

Abundance is not having everything.
You can’t have everything.
Think about it.
Where would you put it all?

Abundance is not about
getting more or
having more.
First and foremost, it is about
being more.
Being more of Who you
really are.

The reason why abundance is so
desirable is that it is your
true nature.

Abundance is Who you are.
It is what you experience when you
stop depriving yourself of what
is already yours.

You might want to read the poem a second time, out loud.

Be part of the cause of the turnaround!

In the middle of an economic recession is an ideal time to talk about abundance, especially in the way Robert Holden describes its essence in his poem.

What are we presented with in this recession?

1.  We are being challenged to let go of obsolete practices for creating happiness.

2.  We are each being called to reflect on what we really value in our lives, and live from those values.

3.  We have been given an opportunity to create a new world.

This requires change, individually and collectively. We can do it with higher consciousness, through empowering mindsets, positive energy, and inspired actions.

Imagine our world when the majority of individuals and organizations are making a positive difference by leading from their own well-being.

If you are ready, there are plenty of opportunities to be part of the cause of the turnaround!

An example to illustrate the opportunity

If someone values money and identifies a sense of security with the value of a financial portfolio, she is probably feeling threatened.  She is seeing evidence everywhere of her deepest fears.   Her self worth drops with a decline in the value of her portfolio.  It rises with the value as well.  It is like she is on a roller coaster ride, feeling fear because she thinks she has no control.   The stress of it is taking its toll on her physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally.  Yet, she always has a choice.

Many people value financial freedom; I certainly have it on my priority list.  Now is a good time to understand what it gets you.

It is helpful to ask yourself the question, “What is important about financial freedom?”

Then ask yourself, “What is really important?”

What many people find through this inquiry and reflection is that what they really value isn’t tied to the market value of their portfolio, level of salary, or number of assets.  When they look more closely what they really value often is free -   loving relationships, a sense of belonging, health, and happiness. They realize money is a means, not an end. They understand their sense of security doesn’t come from “out there,” and who they really are isn’t represented by what money can buy.  They start to appreciate what is really important to them; who they are; and what they already have – in abundance. 

Take time with your Self
An opportunity to connect and listen to your inner wisdom

Create a memory.

Take a moment and see yourself 5 years from now.  Your life is really, really good.  You are healthy.  Your financial portfolio has rebounded, even into surplus.  You are enjoying a great career and loving relationships.    You feel great; you look great!  Wow you have prospered– emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, socially, and mentally!

You are looking back to today and on how you got yourself to such a wonderful place in those 5 years.

How did you do it?

Now! Be that person! Go do that!

You can ask for help.

You have a major choice right now.  Most people are at the effect of what is happening.  That’s the norm.  Some people are being proactive, and they are doing more than surviving; they are thriving in all areas of their life. 

Now is a good time to put your life in your own hands (rather than in the hands of the news, the market, or the government).  A coach can help you.  Now is the time to take control of your life, and you need a plan.  A coach can help you with that.  Now is the time to invest in the only asset guaranteed to grow – You!

Contact me for a free consultation at denise@yourinnersmile.com today to take this opportunity to be at the cause of a turnaround for you and our world.

Your Inner Smile is a leadership style.  Leading from your own well-being is the difference that makes the difference in your world.  Bring your happiness to Life!  You can find out more about your different coaching options on the Services page of my website http://yourinnersmile.com.  

You can look forward to the launch of a coaching group very soon!

In these times we might feel less in control of what is happening around us, yet it holds true - in economic highs and lows - we choose how we feel.  We slip into being victims when we stop honoring our power to choose our state of being.

Events are simply what they are.  We decide to label them “good” or “bad” and then experience emotions accordingly.  What if we thought of events as information only; information we can use to help us learn something or make a decision.

It might seem harder to maintain an enduring feeling of contentment and centeredness - key stones to happiness - when there is so much “bad news.”  I’m recommending that you continue to be aware of your experience and notice how it changes depending on how you choose to think and feel.   “Try on” different thoughts and feelings.  Notice the effect on your health (heart rate, blood pressure, energy level), what you see reflected back to you, and your overall state of well-being when you choose to be in different states based on what you hear and see.  Keep reminding yourself you are more capable of being productive and creative with all that life throws at you when you choose to be in control of who you are being in the moment.  

It also helps to express gratitude and see the positive.  One way is to reconnect to the present moment by asking yourself some “connecting questions” and being guided by your inner wisdom.

WHAT IS WORKING RIGHT NOW?

WHAT ELSE IS WORKING RIGHT NOW?

WHAT IS A HIGHER THOUGHT RIGHT NOW?

WHAT AM I INSPIRED TO DO RIGHT NOW?

What this exercise does is help you quickly feel one step better than where you are, and then better still and even better still.   In this higher state of being you have a new energy reference point - your inner smile.  This is much higher creation energy than the lower levels of stress, overwhelm, and anxiousness. 

You would agree that you’re better able to handle what comes at you when you’re feeling centered and capable, wouldn’t you?  

Here’s a story to illustrate the point:

“A master of happiness was traveling with a cumbersome bag upon his shoulder when he came across a seeker.  The seeker asked him what true happiness really felt like.

The master paused a moment, then smiled and took the bag off his shoulder.  As it dropped heavily to the ground, he stood tall in the freedom from the burden he’d been carrying.

The seeker said, “I think I understand. And what do you do once you’re happy?”

The master smiled, hoisted his bag, and carried on down the road.”

(Source: Michael Neill’s book “Feel Happy Now”)

Take time with your Self 

1. Ask yourself the connecting questions in moments when you are feeling frustrated or anxious.  You will shift your state and access the best of You.

2. Watch the movie “Happy Go Lucky”.  Here is an extract about the film (http://www.happygoluckythemovie.com/).  Poppy is a free spirited primary school teacher who brings an “unsinkable sense of optimism to every situation.”  This film offers a “touching, truthful and deeply life affirming exploration of one of the most mysterious and often elusive of all human qualities: happiness.”

3. Do more creative projects, just to enjoy the process of creation.  These become metaphors for your life experience.  It’s yours to create (in every economic climate).

4. Act as if the news you read about is just information and it is there to help you make a more informed decision.  Notice your state.  Ask connecting questions if needed. 

A Resource for You

Coaching can help you find your inner smile and raise your creation energy.  You can find out more about your different coaching options on the Services page of my website  http://yourinnersmile.com.   

The first of January was dedicated by the Romans to their god of gates and doors, Janus.  He is often depicted with two faces, as if regarding behind and at the same time looking forward. 

The origin of “January” is the Etruscan word jauna, which means “door.”

Let us then be inspired to go through this month as we would walk through a door to get to a new place.

Let us use the month of January to look back to create forward more of what we want in our lives.

In this spirit, allow me to recommend a twist on the more traditional approach to making “new year resolutions.” 

Part One: Looking back on your life in 2008.

I am recommending that you take some time to look back on the previous year through a very specific lens, looking for what you didn’t want in your life.  (Yes, you read that correctly.)

It’s helpful to put down on paper what you didn’t like and you didn’t want in the past year for a number of reasons, all of which contribute to not only resolving to change but creating the changes.

1. This exercise creates space within you to allow what you do want to come to your mind.  As your focus shifts so does your personal energy, from a negative vibe of the “don’t want” to a positive vibe of the “do want.”

2.  You gain insights that can lead you to defining the right goals for yourself at this time in your life.  A constant complaint could be a disguise for what it is you want most. 

For example, if someone is repeatedly complaining “I have so much to do at work, I’m always working late,” she can turn this dissatisfaction into a goal to “delegate better so I can have more of a social life during the week.” 

3. These “don’t want” situations are where your deepest held values have “been offended.”   It’s helpful to understand what you value and how what you notice around you does or does not align to what is most important to you.

Continuing the example, it’s helpful for this person to understand she values social connections and by repeatedly working late she is reinforcing an imbalance in her life.

4. A situation can represent a projection of a part of you that needs additional attention or that wants to have a greater input into what you do and who you are.

In my example, there is a part of this person that wants to connect with people and a part that wants to “do it all herself.” Her complaint represents the internal conflict.  This results in her lowered energy level and frustration with the situation.  (Can you guess what she is attracting more of in her life?)

Even if you have made your New Year’s resolutions list, you might find it helpful in walking through a door to a new place, to understand: what you value, where you might have internal conflict, and what is the essence of what you really want in this time of new beginnings.

In Part Two…

I’ll share with you how you can improve your inner alignment and increase your creative energy so that you can be the best of You and enjoy what you find reflected back to you in your world in 2009, and beyond.
 

Take time for your Self

1. Reflect on your life in 2008 and appreciate all that you experienced over the year.  You can do this by breathing deeply with a focus on your heart while adding a feeling of appreciation for someone or something in particular.  Spend a few minutes in this appreciative state. You’ll feel your energy rise, a sense of inner peace, and a greater awareness of your intuition.

2. Take each area of your life: relationships, career, finances, health, community, etc. and write down what you didn’t like; what you complained about repeatedly; what bothered you the most, or what you just plain didn’t want.

3. What theme(s) do you see in your experiences?

4.  What would you want to experience instead?  (This is a key attraction principle; define specifically the experience you intend to have in getting what you do want.)

5.  How would you like to turn the main 3-5 examples of dissatisfaction into specific goals? 

Now, put these goals in writing, with lots of details about what you want the experience of having it.  Write the goals in the present tense, as if you are already living that experience. 

As we follow our intuition to set our intentions for 2009, it might be helpful to get into the state of mind and exude the attitude Martha Graham offers in this statement.  Uncover your passion and live it.   Want to write a book; enhance your passion for the subject and practice writing everyday.  Want to wear a size 6 dress; love who you are and enjoy exercising.   Want to get a new job; be the person making the kind of contribution you want to make in that new role.  It’s important to define the outcome (the effect) and then focus on our energy.  This way we are more at cause in our lives and can enjoy the effects!

Instead of presents under the Christmas tree, we each have a Christmas sack.  It’s a creative, economical way to have the joy and fun of presents and stockings! 

I love the surprise element of a stocking, and some of the best presents I have ever received came out of Christmas stockings.  When I was three, I found a live puppy in my stocking.   Over the years, I have pulled out everything between candy and diamond earrings.

Last Christmas, spending the holiday with my (then) boyfriend, I pulled out a small notebook.  It had a Vera Bradley design and the words “Noteworthy” in script font on the front.  It tied closed with a red ribbon and a white button. 

The notebook has come in handy, and I have noted a number of ideas, quotes, book titles, and to-do lists in it over the past year.  The person who put it in the stocking said he noticed that I liked to have a notebook with me and was always writing things in it.  This pretty, little, now well used, notebook ranks high on my list of best “stocking stuffers” because of that thoughtful intention behind it. 

As we close this year and begin a new one, I am reminded by this little notebook that we can give love everyday in ways that let people know we care.  It’s the little gestures that have the greatest meaning, and it’s that meaning we keep in our hearts, even when the people are no longer together.

I wish you the everyday joys of being the best of You, and enjoying what gets reflected back to you in your life.

To quote a quote from my notebook,

“Dance as though no one is watching you.
Love as though you have never been hurt before.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though heaven is on earth.”